A Badass Mom's Uncharted Path to Success: Navigating Life's Twists, Turns and Traumas
Introduction
Let's dive into the incredible journey of mothering intertwined with ambition. As ambitious moms, we're no strangers to the chaos of juggling multiple roles and responsibilities. We plan, we organize, and we strive to achieve our dreams while nurturing our families. But here's the unspoken truth: even when we've planned for the everyday drama, there's an element we rarely anticipate - the potential trauma that can accompany our pursuit of success.
Climbing Our Mountains
We often associate fulfilling our wildest dreams with scaling a mountain. We draw parallels between the journey's height - the gap between where we start and where we want to end up. We own the challenge of a steep incline and prepare for the chilling cold. However, we often forget about what else we may find along the way.
Facing More Than Just Peaks
Just like those real mountains that come with their own set of dangers – think mountain lions, avalanches, or floods – our quest for those big, 'seemingly impossible' goals tends to throw unexpected challenges our way. We're talking about the curveballs life can toss at us: sudden family emergencies, struggles caused by partners feeling threatened by our success, letdowns when mentors don't quite know how to handle us exceeding their teachings, or even having to deal with unpleasant situations like sexual harassment from influential folks who can either make or break our business dreams. These are just some of the figurative mountain lions that we can encounter on our climb, leaving us emotionally scarred.
About Trauma
When we talk about trauma, we typically think of accidents, natural disasters, or even acts of violence. Rarely do we associate it with the pursuit of monumental goals, such as building a business, completing a PhD, purchasing a home, or creating wealth. This is where we miss the point.
Lessons from Howard Schultz
To better grasp this concept, consider Howard Schultz's Starbucks journey during the Great Recession. For him, the traumatic experience involved closing 600 stores, affecting not just the company but also the lives of thousands of employees. This isn’t just a 'big company problem,' as small businesses and entrepreneurs too can face unexpected challenges, leading to sleepless nights, emotional distress, and anxiety.
The Entrepreneur's Hurdles
The entrepreneurial world presents its own set of challenges. While financial concerns can lead to countless sleepless nights, other traumas often lurk in the shadows: getting sued, taking on too many roles, having to do so much with way too little resources, stressful pitching, competition and sabotage, isolation, debt and financial risks…and data breaches. The emotional toll these issues take on our personal relationships can be significant, leading to inner turmoil.
The Intersectionality of It All
Now, throw in elements of race, class, gender, and sexuality, and the path to success becomes a complex web of traumatic experiences. As an ambitious mom, the journey can encompass struggles like balancing academic pursuits with raising children, or even coping with domestic violence and loneliness. The list is endless, and the road is rocky.
Reaching the Breaking Point
While I know all of this from having countless one-on-ones and hosting conferences and retreats with women around the world, I also have my own personal experiences with trauma and success. There was a time in my life when the accumulated pain, hurt, and constant made me contemplate giving up. Haters, I knew how to deal with. It was all the other experiences and events that I didn’t know were possible that nearly shattered my resolve. Sometimes, it did - but only for a while.
The Unforeseen Impact on Our Children
In the quest for success, we often overlook the fact that our children can be traumatized as well. As moms, we strive to offer them a better life, but we can't always foresee the emotional toll “the climb” takes on them, as well.
Welcome to the Promised Land
Reflecting on my journey from growing up in a challenging neighborhood, my determination to provide a better life for my children was unwavering. I often tell them, "My back is the bridge you crossed to a better life." But their experiences weren't all sunshine and rainbows. As one of my daughters once said, "Poverty does sh*t to you." And the transition from one class to another may do even more stuff to them. It can affect them in various ways, and the impact is something we may not immediately notice.
Embracing the “Both/And” Nature of Success
As ambitious moms, it's crucial to acknowledge that the path to our "promised land" isn't a simple binary journey between success and failure. It's a combination of both, a journey towards freedom while also battling against night terrors, PTSD, depression, and more.
Strategies for Ambitious Moms
Now that we've shone a light on the trauma we might encounter on this path, let's discuss strategies tailored to ambitious moms:
1. Seek therapy for the entire family before embarking on your journey, as it can help you navigate the challenges, not just cope with them.
2. Research, read, and learn from the experiences of others who've walked similar paths, gaining insights into overcoming obstacles.
3. Keep a journal to document the journey's hiccups and barriers, proactively problem-solving.
4. Set aside time for family vent sessions, fostering open communication about the emotional aspects of your journey.
5. Prioritize self-care practices to heal emotional wounds along the way.
Conclusion
Ambitious moms, our journey to success is both a rewarding and challenging one, filled with unexpected traumas and obstacles. While our goal is to reach the "promised land," it's essential to remember that there's an emotional cost to this journey. By recognizing and addressing these challenges, we can ensure that our path is as fulfilling for us and our families as the destination itself. Success isn't just about reaching the mountaintop; it's also about surviving the climb with our spirits intact.
ABOUT THE BLOGGER
Dr. Sagashus Levingston is an author, entrepreneur and PhD holder. She has two fur babies, Maya and Gracie, six children (three boys and three girls), and they all (including her partner) live in Madison, WI. She loves all things business, is committed to reminding moms of their power, and is dedicated to playing her part in closing the wealth gap for people of color and women. She believes that mothering is a practice, like yoga, and she fights daily to manage her chocolate intake. The struggle is real, y’all…and sometimes it’s beautiful.
Follow her on Instagram: @infamous.mothers