The Power Is in the Process: A Keynote
Introduction
Some years ago, I came across a woman’s website. I was looking to hire a particular kind of contractor to help me complete a particular kind of project, and in my search, I stumbled upon her website. It was outdated and unattractive. It was cluttered and hard to read, but there was something about her and her business that held my attention. I went deeper, clicking from one link to another, and then I found a hidden gem amid the digital clutter—an invaluable FREE e-book that she had written. This e-book marked the beginning of a profound shift in my approach to business.
In it, she stated, "the money is in the process." The entire book was about the profitability of building processes into your business. The money is in the process. It talked about the importance of having SOPs (Standard Operating Procedures) throughout your entire company. The money is in the process.
It wasn’t the first time I had heard that. But it was the first time I had encountered someone who promised to show me how to create the kinds of processes that will help my company expand, make more money and impact more lives.
Sign me up!
Over the course of six months, I worked closely with this woman who educated me on the significance of building solid processes. She meticulously gathered information, conducted interviews, and created forms, only to leave me without a final product. At the end of our collaboration, I had neither money nor the processes she had promised. Despite my initial frustration, I couldn't blame her because I had once been her. I had been that charismatic individual with a great product, showing immense promise and passion, only to falter because I didn’t have processes in place to carry me through. It wasn't due to ill intentions or dishonesty but because I lacked a well-defined process from A to Z. I had processes that took me from A to D, with E-M remaining uncertain. As for N-Z, I planned to figure it out along the way, assuming that having the rest of the pieces or a general idea was enough because as long as the product or outcome is good, the processes don't really matter right? How I get there isn't as important as actually arriving, right? With this kind of thinking, how could I be angry with her when I had done the same thing myself? In fact, how could I be upset with the other five or six contractors who had delivered various versions of the same outcome? They all possessed charisma, offered excellent products, and had good intentions, but time and time again, things fell short in their processes
I notice a similar pattern with the women I coach, whether they are business owners, executive directors, or professionals. Charisma, good intentions, excellent products but when it comes to processes, there’s that same murkiness around E-M. As for N-Z, they plan to figure it out as they go along. The pattern is evident.
Therefore, when I contemplated the message to share today, it became clear to me that we have to talk about "The Power in the Process."
“Trust the Process”…They Say
We often hear the phrase "Trust the process."
You’ve been working out every day, but you’re still not hitting your health and wellness goals. What do people say? “Trust the process.”
When you’ve cut off all your hair, and you’re in that awkward in-between phase. You look in the mirror, and get discouraged, so you call your bestie, sobbing. And what does she tell you? “Trust the process.”
Are you a writer, dealing with writer’s block? No problem. Trust the process. Inspiration and breakthroughs will come as you continue to work on your project.
Whether you’re a new parent, someone struggling with an injury, dealing with a heartbreak, the key to everything in life is just to trust the process…or so they say.
This phrase typically arises when we're striving to achieve a goal and become frustrated and disheartened because we can’t see the progress. "Trust the process." It's the go-to mantra.
But trusting the process has, at times, left me feeling suicidal, broke and broken, lost and confused, embarrassed and ashamed, sick and sad, and in numerous situations I never anticipated. Trusting the process can transform you into someone you never thought possible, whether it's becoming a "crazy baby mama," engaging in gossip, or taking on roles you never imagined. Trusting the process can lead to a wild and unpredictable journey.
When people advise us to trust the process, they often refer to trusting a process—showing up, working hard, and hoping for the best, without proper planning, research, or strategy.
On a scale of 1 to 10, this approach receives a strong "DO NOT RECOMMEND."
In 2019, I initiated a campaign for Infamous Mothers, the company I had founded just three years prior. It was called "All or Nothing." Our aim was to raise $250,000 to fund the launch of Infamous Mothers 2.0, a series of classes, workshops, and more as part of our next phase, including the launch of Infamous Mothers University. I believed I had covered enough of the bases. I wrote content explaining the importance and necessity of our work, designed rewards for our supporters, and had our graphic designer create compelling visuals to tell our story. In my mind, this constituted the process, even though I was aware that something was missing: the marketing strategy. It was giving (E-M), murky. As for the delivery process, it was a definite (N-Z), I’d figure it out along the way. I don’t need to tell you that we failed, raising only $6k out of the much-needed $250,000.
The failure of that campaign continued to nag at me long after it ended. The critical lesson was this: Having a solid process in one aspect of life or an organization is insufficient to carry us through other areas. Moreover, it's a misconception to believe that natural processes or those that simply unfold "to us" are enough to propel us forward.
I'm sharing this because someone here might not yet realize that the missing piece, the key to taking them to the next level, is the process. You already possess the heart, passion, purpose, and have access to the people, but is your process on point? Right now, you're sitting on a solution that could benefit thousands or even millions of people worldwide, not just in Madison. Yet, you haven't figured out how to reach 100 or a thousand people in your local community, let alone your city, state, or nation. Have you considered whether or not you’re experiencing a process issue?
This message is for the small business owner who's tethered to their desk because their company can't function without their constant presence. You know that's not living, right?
It's also for larger organizations that have adhered to the same outdated methods for too long and are falling behind their competition or sister organizations. You're aware of what happened to Borders, right? Their resistance to change with the times led to their demise. Processes are living, intentional sets of actions, and they should never be underestimated, taken lightly, or treated casually.
Not Sacrificing the Dreamer for the Dream
Alright, y’all let’s switch gears. Right now, I'm going to shift from the professional to the personal. In 2021, I found myself in the midst of an existential crisis. Between Mother's Day and Father's Day that year, I lost seven people in my life unexpectedly. These were individuals around my age, early 40s at the time, and to my knowledge, they had no preexisting conditions. Those losses messed with my heart and my head. They terrified me. I hadn’t experienced that much death back to back since my younger days back home. While not all of Chicago is what people may believe it to be — there are actually a lot of beautiful, fun, and safe communities to explore — where I come from, before gentrification, it was everything you hear about, and even worse. The losses I had experienced before turning 20 are too numerous and painful to share here. But what I will tell you is: They don't call it Chiraq for nothing; growing up through my late 20’s, the conditions were genuinely war-like.
When I came to Madison, I thought moving away would protect me from dealing with those kinds of losses and hurts ever again.. But then my early 40s hit, and people started dying. And I had questions. I couldn't mourn the losses because I was consumed by the "how" of it all. How were these people passing away like this? Was it normal? Is it our age? Were others experiencing these casualties in their lives? Was this influenced by race and class?... Was I next?
At the same time, I was in the process of buying a home. We were negotiating and doing a lot of work to position everything just right. But I was a wreck — sobbing, barely sleeping, filled with anxiety, and more.
On top of all this, I was finishing up a book, "Covet: The 'Disrespectful' Health and Wellness Journal," a project I never intended to write. But due to a pilot program we were running at Infamous Mothers, I realized it was necessary. So, I paused the memoir I had started and began writing "Covet" so that women in the Infamous Mothers Universe could have a tool to help them build their health and wellness alongside their wealth.
Talk about processes. I combined everything I had learned from running that pilot program with the tools I had used to achieve my biggest goals: from succeeding at my fancy boarding to completing my PhD, from writing my first book to building my company. I included gratitude prompts, spaces to vent, community voices, daily self-affirmation prompts, weekly planning sessions, monthly feedback, and more. If I was going to do this thing I had never planned on doing, I had to do it correctly and with excellence.
Of course, I had to test everything to ensure the user experience was just right, and that testing began with me. So, while I sat in a hotel bed, playing a daily game of "the floor is hot lava" with myself, too afraid to get up and face life, I responded to the prompts in "Covet." During my depression, every day for four weeks, I found myself answering the same "Daily-Ish Prompts" because that's what they're called.
I'm the -ISH because...
I am proud of this because...
This is how I am going to build on that...
Each day, during the darkest period of my life, I was answering these prompts to test my product.
I'm the -ISH because...
I am proud of this because...
This is how I am going to build on that...
A new death…
I'm the -ISH because…
Self doubt and fear…
I’m the -ISH because…
Anxiety and worry…
I’m the -ISH because…
What I didn't realize at the time was that I was engaging in a self-care process that was strengthening me and providing what I needed to get out of that bed. The seventh death had hit — my partner's brother. And by that time, I was strong enough to trade places with him, strong enough to get off that bed, and strong enough to take care of the family while he worked through his grief. When I look back, I realize that a solid self-care process can save your life — quite literally. The simple act of showing up for yourself daily, reminding yourself of your value during times when you feel worthless, can be the difference between giving up and moving forward.
It's worth noting that not only did I buy the house, but I achieved every goal that year, despite all the obstacles I faced, because I had a process in place that protected my mind, reinforced my sense of self-worth, and gave me space to work through the issues.
Since then, other events have occurred — more losses, challenges, disappointments, and mental health struggles. But guess what? That Instagram content has been consistent, the blog posts arrive faithfully every Tuesday, and every Thursday, the updates be updating in that Wanted newsletter. But I can’t take all the credit for that. Although I am a coach and educator, part of my process is to always have my own coach on deck. Someone I can fall out and faint with, as I sit on the other side of the table. My coach, Coach Jo, of Weaponized Coaching has been instrumental in helping me build some amazing processes. And I’m happy to share her with you.
With that said, when life gets tough, and you still find a way to meet your professional and personal demands, it's a testament to your resilience and determination, that’s for sure. But that can only last for so long. Where you run out, sound processes can run in. Think about that.
Thank you!